Last Night

Last night.

Went home.

Watched Naruto episodes 5-10 or so.

Twittered a little.

Aim'd Emily a little.

Fell asleep around around midnight I think. As of late, I haven't been able to remember or notice at what time I've fallen asleep.

Peaces.

Thunk

10/1 was my last post. fuck punctuation. fuck grammatically correct shit when there is spell check on shit like this. just thought for first time deeply about shit in awhile. feelings is almost like that of when my parents died back in 96. just thinking about shit, everything, connection of linking of things. just my laziness. my life. just want to vent.

maybe im just pessimist. maybe its depressed. i don't know.

i've come to realize, i don't like to take responsibility for my life and sorta rather cruise control through it, even though i know i have more potential in a sense.

my life has ended up living to work instead of working to live. by meaning, i wake up going to work, slightly more so the meter like a left and right wing, except instead of left and right wing, its happiness and sadness, leans towards and creeps towards sadness. i don't like to confront or talk in person much, i would rather just stand aside and write like this, probably maybe 10 people read this or whatever, but i'm, bored as well and haven't written this in awhile. no i'm not going to go crazy like one of those Asian people. i have more will and control than that. its like i wake up every day and am glad that i'm alive and shit for every day and am just glad for it since I've seen what happen to mom and dad, but at the same time i go my future fucking is like looking like a black hole. unknown, but mostly possibly negative. its like i have no health insurance. i work 10-9 daily monday through saturday and sunday 11-6, counting commute 9-930 or so, and for nearly nothing but the prospect of a future, which i could probably do better working at some ups packer job. this results in sunday as my only free time which boss seems to want to take, whereas i just want to live and careless or freeness. i like my job or have interest in it technically. but it read the before as mentioned. i live very minimally, not because i want to, but more so the before couple sentences mention before and the way my parents raised me. i ramble and rant. this is on of them. yeah, i realize this is linked on my iss hb and nt accounts, but i doubt anyone actually comes and reads since the last few postings. ill probably be mostly writing blocks without pictures for the moment since pictures are impossible to upload on 56k internet, because yeah, don't have normal internet at work at the moment, because i assume its like a step towards closing maybe, i don't know. i just know i have a work ethic that is very patient with people and am never sick, maybe that is being taken advantage and i have ocd of obsessing over things being perfect around my surroundings, but barely myself. i know broself is checking up on me probably as well, but don't worry is all i say. if this shit hits the fan, i'll figure a way to go back to school, just slightly procrastinating at the moment. i mean, i look at you and you got a sociology degree, but what are you doing with it? 30k a year at mac and what the fuck has that accounted to, so i must be doing something right. jumbled thoughts. i am not good with words speaking or hence this instead. go to go now, gotta work. people talk about the hours i work. i must be making bank right? but every starting up business has some sacrifice, me in the sense, i feel it should be slightly my pay or somewhat since it is not expected to do well the first few years, but its like i don't know anymore, days are up and down, shit comes in sometimes, some days are nothing. i don't know whether this risk is a good one these days. its like i don't have any benefits or any future of retirement. when and if i do retire from this, what money is there to retire with since none of it went into some old man fund. i'm going on the faith that my boss hopefully is taking care of me, but maybe its just my naivety.

/rant another another day.

i'll probably blog about the positivity in my life, which is that of outside of work, mostly night time bullshit of weekends or weekdays, times outside of work, which i am at too much and am even thinking about during my time off or shit. its come to me that my opinion barely matters or i just says yes to shit or shrug, because i trust his faith in decision making.

subprime, i know you and anyone that reads this and want something to make fun of me with, but i don't want to talk about this online or anywhere, but my real proximity in person or on the comment page of the blog. i'd rather contain it to this post.

shit like this is why i hated writing or English class. i can't contain or organize thoughts into a cohesive judgement or main thesis shit. please don't blah blah at me about this or that, i need to slightly think of things, leading to the next sentence, which i wrote before this.

just thinking slowly of ways to change my life at the moment as well to maybe be for the better.

~Lefty

Hiroshi Fujiwara interview with Jeff Staple in LTD Pictures

read each page righ to left.

Fatsarazzi

From LTD's interview with huster Fats Shariff.

He hit the nail on the head pretty accurately as to a part of the depression reasons.

Is this (economic) "depression" for real or just for depressed people?

It is real but what annoys me is the elivery. They tell you, "Shell's profits are down 20% based on last year, and there are 1000 jobs at risk." All the people hear is the profits are down. If they made $1 million last year, it means they made $800k this year, they still made money and the jobs that are at risk are because the people at the top still want their cut so they hit the little man The people at the top need to change their thinking about how much is enough, then, shit will change.

Mally's - "The Passion". Minnesota. Third album

http://www.culturebully.com/interview-wi

th-mally-from-the-612

Good music. Good interview. Go cop off "The Passion" off itunes, solid album front to back from independent artist:)